White Hot Pain
Let me start at the beginning…
Well… to be honest, I don’t really remember much of the beginning other than being really sad and feeling a white hot pain. When I woke up, I was being stuffed under a fence into a dirt pile. I was so sad that I couldn’t even move until a nice lady scooped me up and brought me inside. There were so many other dogs there, and people who kept cuddling me. The pain didn’t seem to matter much anymore because I could feel how much everyone here cared.
Then, the most exciting thing happened! On June 17th, I got on a BIG TRUCK and MOVED from what everyone called an “Animal Shelter” in Mississippi to Pennsylvania! I got to move into a real house with new friends who called themselves my “foster parents.” I was still just a baby (only 3 months old!) so I guess I needed parents around to keep me out of trouble. A sweet little marshmallow puff like me in trouble? Never! (Can you see me doing my best puppy eyes?) I really like my foster parents. They give me yummy snacks, toys that squeak and so many chin scratches. We have a big yard where I get to play with my dog siblings in and bark to let the wildlife know I’m there. My favorite part about my foster home may be the pig friends I get to watch over when they are out in the yard.
The white hot pain was still there despite all the love I was getting. I tried to be good but I kept peeing on the floor and I couldn’t help it. Honest! My foster parents told some other humans that I walked a little funny. I started watching my puppy foster brother, and I guess I do walk a little funny… But it’s only because it hurts. I also have one eye that’s a little smaller than the other, but it doesn’t bother me. That’s why we are given two eyes - there’s a backup!
Although I was the happiest I’ve ever been, my foster parents and some other loving humans decided I should go meet some doctor friends. They see so many dogs and they knew about the white hot pain. I thought it was normal. I thought this is what everyone felt. The humans keep telling me I can feel better and be even happier. That makes me smile so big my tongue hangs out!
I love all my doctor friends, waiting room dog friends, waiting room human friends, passing through the hallway friends - they all make me happy and I try to make them happy, too, by smiling really big! Let me sum up the rest of the long doctor visits that poke and prod to find out how to make me feel better…
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June 26, 2023
My first Doctor friends look at my eye, test me for something called a UTI to explain my accidents (I’m embarrassed to share that but the doctors say it’s not my fault and I shouldn’t be ashamed. I’m working on that…”Hi, It’s Me. I’m the problem, It’s Me.”) I do sound a lot like Taylor Swift - my foster mom loves her and we sing it in the car to visit the doctors! I get to go back in a few weeks to see if anything’s changed, and yes, we will sing more! -
July 18, 2023
The doctor seemed sad today. I’m still the happiest I’ve ever been. My foster mom and I go outside and walk around the WHOLE neighborhood every day! I get to meet so many new friends - dogs like me, big humans, little tiny humans, things called cats! I love them all. But I guess I still make some people sad because I’m not getting better. I feel better! But my foster parents say my eye looks the same, still having accidents, and I’m walking funny. It still hurts, but I don’t want anyone to know that because I’ve never been happier!And we have to talk about the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me! Today, my doctor friend had me lay down and get pictures taken by this funny machine that they called an X-ray. (Reminder to myself - Tell the doctor friend that my foster parents take great pictures with their phones!) Despite being a weird day, this picture showed them my white hot pain! It’s in my back and sometimes in my shoulder. Someone can see what I feel and that gives me hope.
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August 9, 2023
I met a new doctor friend today! This new friend also needs to upgrade their phone to take pictures. She’s a doctor who looks at brains and seems very smart! A few nice humans kept me company while I laid in this strange tube (weirder than the last one!) to take even more pictures of my back where I have the hurts. -
August 22, 2023
I did not like this visit. This doctor friend was very nice… then POKED ME with something sharp!! Can you believe that?! My foster mom hugged me and told me it was ok. Then I got some yummy treats… which I guess made it better. They think I might have an infection in my back. I can feel it… -
August 31, 2023
This new doctor friend is my favorite! She also knows a lot about brains, and I think that’s very cool! I’m learning so much about what makes me tick, which is so fun!! Maybe that’s what I’ll be when I grow up… a brain dog doctor friend! She’s my favorite because she gave my foster mom the antidote to my back germs that infected me! And I get to have a treat every time I eat one! How cool is that?! Anyone who tells my foster mom I have to have treats is a best friend forever! Is this real life?! Maybe THIS is the happiest I’ve ever been… -
October 9, 2023
At the nice doctor friend’s office today, my foster mom told them all about my pain. The antidote isn’t working. They poked and prodded more and decided to do more tests & take more pictures. They even tricked me into taking medicine that made me so sleepy. But it was ok because they did a thing called MRI and apparently love old movies because they kept talking about my spinal tap.My foster mom takes me everywhere. I get to meet so many new friends, go to yummy smelling new places, hang out with other foster pups waiting for their furever families, and play with my puppy foster siblings every single day! But I can’t play too hard or the white hot pain comes back. I have so many toys, so many friends, great adventures… I smile all the time. I don’t want anyone to know that I still feel the white hot pain. It really hurts. I love my foster family so much and they keep asking me if I’m in pain. I didn’t want anyone to know because I’m happier than ever. I’ve been letting my guard down and they see it. They know about the white hot pain and the very beginning and they still love me. Even with the accidents I can’t help on their floors. Even with the extra car rides. Even when I need a minute to flop down so I can keep up.
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November 13, 2023
I went back to see my favorite doctor friend for one more photo session in the big tube. I’ve had a lot of tests done. Many of my blood and my accidents. The doctor friends say those are all normal. The back infectors are tricky to catch, so I’m still taking the antidote. The doctor friends told me the white hot pain is actually called “a malformation” in my back which is likely due to trauma from my first days that I don’t remember. When I try to think about those days, all I feel is sadness. The doctor friends are going to do a thing called “surgery” to my back on December 7th to make me feel better. The doctors are even more excited than I am. They say it’s a big deal and something that isn’t done very often. They used a 3D printer to create a new piece for my back! This is way better than a phone for photos! They made a new part for me to replace my broken one. They’re going to shoo the infectors away. They’re going to take care of me to make me feel better than ever! Which I can’t even believe, because I am still happier than I’ve ever been.
Initial Spinal X-Rays
Recent Spinal CT Scans
